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Infection

Monday, December 11, 2006

There is a road I take along the back way to my house that offers a perfect view of the Las Vegas Strip. Every night as I drive home after whatever I was doing that day, I look over and take a second to appreciate the beauty in these man-made monuments to the gods of consumerism, power, and greed. It’s hard not to notice the Strip. The light beaming from the Luxor every night attracts my gaze like a moth to a burning flame.

Tonight, however, was a little different. As I drove past this scenic view listening to Neil Diamond belt out his earth-shaking rendition of “Happy Christmas (War is Over),” the lights of the Strip told me a completely different story. The green lights of the MGM were sprinkled perfectly with the red brake lights of the surrounding city streets. It was like a living, breathing Christmas tree topped with its very own Christmas star, the unquenchable light of the Luxor.

Then it happened. I had to pull over my car and take a deep breath. I had officially caught the Christmas spirit. It’s been quite a while since it last happened. I’ve never been much of one for the holidays. I don’t even like birthdays. To me, a birthday’s just another day, why should it get special treatment just because I managed to survive another year on earth? For some reason though, on this fateful Sunday night, the combination of Neil Diamond’s soothing vocals and the colorful lights of the Las Vegas strip infected me with a virus I haven’t had in years, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

As this virus spread within me, memories filled my mind and I raced home to look through my albums for whatever record I had of these memories, but found nothing. For some reason, I stopped taking pictures over the years as I became too lazy and broke to bother with film and developing. I then looked through my hard drives and finally found a few pictures sent to me from friends and my mind was filled with the adventures of the past year.

I’ve lived in Las Vegas for well over a year now, and a lot has happened in that year. I started the year off with a change in wards, and with that change came many new friends and new adventures. There was the good old gang from the old ward, Nicole and Thresa, and with them came a new roommate, Ethnie. We swam together like a school of fish watching for sharks as we tried to find our place in the ocean of this new ward. Nate and Jeanne went from friendship to relationship and have rarely been seen apart since. Stephanie moved in with her cousin, Kara, and before I knew it, I was over at Shawn and Lissette’s every other night watching a movie or crushing them and Lindsey in Cranium.

Next thing I knew, Nate and Jeanne were engaged, and Nate and I were moving into a new house with new roommates, Derek and Andy. Those two are a couple of stories in and of themselves. With the new roommates came a new season, and the good old gang shared many a barbecue and some great days at the park. Then, Stephanie was moving to Utah, and Nicole and Thresa were leaving for the summer. Cara moved in with Ethnie and the adventures continued. Shawn 2 was added to the mix, as well as movie nights and trips to the Strip to watch the fountains dance.

Wedding season arrived and I traveled to Boston to watch Nate and Jeanne become even more inseparable. My days were then spent painstakingly completing every task on my dad’s “Honey-Do” list, only taking a break to keep Scott company in the great state of Virginia as his wife was away. We kidnapped Ralph and escaped to Virginia Beach to eat crab legs, and play miniature golf in a torrential downpour. We raced go-karts and philosophized over buffalo wings. I even did a beautiful rendition of “I’m a Little Teapot” in a noble attempt to help a young waitress win her game of Bingo.

Then I watched through the viewfinder of my new camera as my sister got married and brought along a houseful of friends and family members. After I bit into my first official slider in an actual White Castle restaurant, thus accomplishing my only true goal of the summer, I was ready to return to my new home and see all my old friends once again.

I came home to an empty house and a higher rent. Andy had moved out and Derek went back to school. Not much longer though, and Steve and Casey moved in, making rent a little more manageable. Steve joined the rag tag crew of Shawn, Lissette, Lindsay, and I, and the Adventurers were born.

The old gang reunited, and those adventures continued as well. There were many more barbecues, and trips to the Shark Reef, and movie nights, and hockey games, and Dam gift shops making up for Dam tours not taken, ending in 3 hour Dam detours keeping a Dam birthday girl from her Dam cousin’s party. Thresa, Ethnie, and Nicole left the ward and Nicole started dating Shawn 2. They will be married before the year is through. Cara found new roommates and a new house, and then did it all over again a few months later. The adventures continue despite all the changes, and we now find ourselves in the midst of intense gingerbread house competitions and re-gifting extravaganzas.

All in all, it’s been a good year. I got into the Stagehand Union and started on the path to a career. I worked many shows, including Rock Honors, the Comedy Festival, and a French Music Video, and met many new people while discovering many new opportunities. There was many a road trip to Utah and back and San Diego and back as the Falcon and I bonded further, sharing many an adventure, and moving many a box for friends.

With the New Year come new expectations and many new opportunities. With it comes also the possibility of yet another move as opportunities arise in New York City. My New Year’s resolution? To get a digital camera and start taking pictures again so I don’t have to resort to writing one of these things again next year. Seriously, this thing turned out way too long. What was I thinking? Stupid Christmas spirit.

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Sponsors

Sunday, December 3, 2006

This week I’ve decided to make a shout out to all my unofficial sponsors. These are the products that make my life livable. These are the products that have stood by me through thick and thin. These are the products that keep me company on those cold, wintry nights. These are the products that like me for who I am, no questions asked. These are the products that I stand behind even though no one will ever even know what it is exactly that I am standing behind. These are the products that made me start just about every sentence in this paragraph with the phrase, “these are the products.” These are the products that I represent.

1. Crest Toothpaste – I have been a Crest kid since the day I grew my first tooth. I remember it well. I called it “Fang,” which was kind of ironic considering it was an incisor. I was obviously a smart kid, far more advanced than the schooling to which I was subjected, for I understood this irony and laughed heartily as confused adults constantly wondered why I was talking incessantly with an incisor named “Fang.”

Crest brought out the best in Fang and showed me a good time while doing so. Crest was the first to develop the sparkle seen in toothpastes across the shelves today and in doing so, they added a certain sparkle to my life that I will never forget. I’ve tried Colgate; I’ve tried Mentadent; and I’ve even tried Aquafresh, but I always come back to Crest. I am a Crest Kid for life and I will out sparkle anyone who challenges me. I don’t even know what that means.

2. Ford – I was raised from Day 1 to be a Ford man. As I reached puberty, my dad taught me all about the birds, the bees, and Ford trucks. I was taught that Ford was superior to every other brand of truck out there and will go to the grave with this belief. Ford will out battle any ogre and slay any dragon it faces. It has the face of a dozen demons and the heart of a hundred hungry hippos. A hippo is nothing to fear you say? I say go piss off my friend Harry the Hippo and live to tell about it. Charging Rhinos got nothing on Harry, even with their credit cards.

Sure, most of the cars my parents own are Toyotas these days, but their Ford Econoline Van is still alive and kicking after at least 13 years. Sure, my first car was a Toyota, but the car I learned to drive in was a Ford Escort with manual transmission. I loved that car. It is now my baby sister’s first car. Treat it well, Crystal. Treat it well.

I have driven many a Dodge truck. They just feel rickety to me. I have driven many a Chevy. I used to drive KBYU’s big GMC 4×4 up the mountains west of Salt Lake to reach the Transmitters so my boss could do some maintenance. It just didn’t feel right. Toyota makes trucks? Pshhh, so does Tonka. The Ford F-150 will always be my truck, and I will always be a Ford man. Just ask the Falcon (Yes, I realize the Falcon is a Lincoln, but Lincoln is part of Ford and if you put the Falcon up against any Cadillac of the same year and I will guarantee a sound beating wholeheartedly sponsored by the Falcon).

3. Vans – I wore the original Vans low top sneaker back before it was ever cool to do so (Yes, you can touch me. But only in 2 second increments. I am far too cool to allow any human to feel of my splendor for any longer than 2 seconds. It’s in my contract). I still remember that shoe. Black canvas on top of white rubber and a light brown sole all laced up in white, it was a shoe that spat in the collective face of the Nike Air Jordan and the Reebok Pump. I wore it proudly through the halls of my Junior High and laughed as my peers stood in awe of this bold statement of simplicity.

Over the years, I’ve tried many other shoes. I went on an Airwalk kick for a long time, I now have a pair of Pumas and a pair of Umbros (thanks, Scott), but I always come back to the Vans. To this day, I have worn no other shoe that was anywhere near as comfortable as that first pair of Vans low tops. Except maybe my Old Man Slippers, but come on, who doesn’t like a good pair of Old Man Slippers? They’re not even shoes. They’re slippers, and slipping them on every morning is like slipping on my own little puffs of cloud. So here’s to you, Old Man Slippers, you were worth every bit of the $7.50 I paid for you 2 years ago at Wal Mart. And here’s to you Vans… Hooray.

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Warm Fuzzies

Monday, November 27, 2006

My name is Luke Stay and I have been without an Ipod for 6 months now.

I still remember the day it stopped working. It was the closest I’ve come to crying in years. I tried to listen to the radio for a while but I just couldn’t take it. I’d rather drive in silence than hear the same songs over and over again. I dusted off my old CD case and my old portable CD player and tried that for a while. I have way too much music to be browsing through CDs in the middle of traffic. I almost killed 3 kids carrying lollipops.

This past weekend, though, it all changed. I had just worked incredibly long hours for two weeks straight, walked into the Mac store on Black Friday, and saw a deal I couldn’t pass up. I will never be without an Ipod again. As my fingers ran across the click-wheel, scrolling through my thousands of songs, my heart was full. It was like I had been reunited with an old friend. I was smiling.

Maybe it was the extra Turkey I had at dinner the night before; maybe it was the Egg Nog I had chugged that morning; or maybe it was the frigid winds of Utah keeping me teetering on the brink of hypothermia, but holding that new 80GB Ipod Video in my hands made me start thinking of all the things in life that made me happy; all the things that gave me that warm fuzzy feeling. So, this Holiday season, rather than list off the things I’m thankful for, I’m going to list off the things in life that just make me feel good inside.

Here they are in no particular order:

– Getting into a sun-baked car on an icy day
– Drinking Kool-Aid from a sippy cup after a rough day
– Finding that song or that movie that fits the moment perfectly
– Standing at the top of a mountain and looking down at what I just climbed
– Finally finishing a project I’ve been working on for years
– A good hug from a good friend
– Falling asleep curled up in my blue loveseat
– Sending people into uncontrollable laughter
– Making a girl smile
– Beating my brothers in Halo
– Putting on a brand new sweatshirt
– Wearing clothes fresh from the dryer
– Wearing a pair of socks for the first time
– That food that perfectly satisfies whatever craving I have
– Sitting by the campfire with friends on a cold night
– Finally getting to sleep in after 2 weeks of sleep deprivation
– Road trips that come out of nowhere
– Singing at the top of my lungs when alone in the car
– Mocking cheesy movies with good friends
– Cheering with friends at a Hockey game
– Hot Apple Cider
– A Steak cooked to perfection
– Running into an old friend I haven’t seen in years
– The first brush with a new toothbrush

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Writing

Monday, November 6, 2006

I couldn’t think of anything clever to say this week, but I was looking through some old writing and found this little thing I wrote for a creative writing class I took back in ’02. Enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t really care:

Writing, to me, is therapy. Paper is my psychiatrist. It is the one thing that will always listen, demanding nothing in exchange. On paper I can vent; I can philosophize. I can ramble; I can dream. I can travel to far off lands and discover far off people. It is never critical; it is always open to new ideas. Paper is my punching bag. It is the napkin that cleans my spills, covers my wounds, and wipes away my tears. It is my sword; my shield; my army. It is the one place where I completely release myself and show my true colors. To know my writing is to know me.

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The Top 5 Inventions That Should Have Been … uh … Invented by Now

Saturday, October 28, 2006

5. A Way to Floss Without Actually Flossing

Apparently, some dentist from New Orleans named Levi Spear Parmly invented floss way back in 1815. This means that dentists are still recommending technology that’s more than 200 years old. For more than 200 years, we have been cramming thin strands of fabric between our teeth to pick out that last piece of beef jerky we ate 2 days ago. 200 years! That’s ridiculous! It’s not like people are so fond of flossing they can’t let it go. No one likes to floss. Wikipedia says that only 12% of Americans floss daily, 39% floss less than daily, and 9% do not floss at all. It’s time for a change. People’s teeth are at stake. My teeth are at stake. I hate flossing, I don’t care what kind of contraption they’ve got it strung through. My time is way too precious to spend an extra 5 minutes rubbing wax-covered string between my teeth. That’s time that could be spent complaining about floss.

4. A Flying Car

Now, I know that Moller International is developing a Skycar that’s supposedly almost ready for consumers, but according to every Sci-Fi book I’ve read and every Sci-Fi movie I’ve seen, we were supposed to be flying above the streets long before the new millennium. Where’s my Jetsons car that folds into a briefcase? Where’s my Star Wars land speeder? Where’s my flying Delorean? The Automobile was invented way back in 1885. That thing should be in the air by now. I don’t care what the price of gas is. I don’t care that some people still can’t even drive right on the street. I want my flying car and I want it now!

3. A Holodeck

This is where the geek in me starts to come out. In Star Trek, the holodeck is the room where people go to leave the ship without actually leaving the ship. They can go back to some point in history. They can go to some fictional universe from a book. They can go anywhere in the world. It’s a lot like the combat simulator shown in X-Men 3 (Wow, Star Trek to comic books. I have just run the full gamut of geekdom. Then, to top it off, I use the word “gamut” in a sentence. I have officially crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed. I will now retire to the nerdery to consult with my fellow nerds). Imagine, you’ve got a 3-day weekend and have been jonesing for a fresh Philly cheesesteak, but you live in communist China. Rather than spend your entire 3-day weekend jumping through hoops just to get over to America, you could just hop in the nearest holodeck and be in Philadelphia exactly 2.3 seconds later. That is of course if communist China actually allows this amazing “Western” technology to cross their borders. I actually know pretty much nothing about communist China, except that it’s communist, and James Bond hates communists, so I have to hate communists too because some American movie about a British secret agent told me to. I love America! Now where’s my holodeck?

2. Teleporters

I hate moving. I hate driving for hours. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good road trip, but nothing sucks worse than having to drive 10 hours through a desert with nothing to keep you company but a bag of Skittles. Except maybe cancer, or the HIV, or devoting your life to hunting crocodiles and other deadly animals only to get stabbed through the heart by a stingray. That would really suck. Let’s have a moment of silence for the great Steve Irwin … Okay, where was I, oh yes, Skittles. Skittles are by far the greatest conversationalists of the candy world. I have done extensive testing on this subject and challenge anyone to dispute my findings. Let me just take a moment to tell you about the greatest development in confectioneries of the last 15 years. Smoothie Mix Skittles were sent down to us by the very hand of the Candy Gods. So yeah, teleporters … let’s get on that.

1. Those Seashell Things From Demolition Man

Can someone please tell me why we are still using thin sheets of paper to wipe our own feces from our respective posteriors? I can think of maybe 2 things more unsanitary than the post-duke process, and one of them involves a Yak and a graham cracker. Trust me, it’s not pretty. Seriously though, can we get some crack team of sanitation scientists to figure out some way to keep our hands as far from our respective cracks as possible? And while we’re at it, lets get some R & D on the whole dingleberry/cling-on predicament. Why do these companies even make toilet paper that falls apart on you? Sure it’s soft, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST? (You can’t see it, but I am shaking my fist in the air at the very moment that I am writing this. It’s really quite powerful. Very moving.)

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