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Another recycle, but at least this one’s topical. I promise I’m collecting ideas for new ones. They’ve just all sucked so far. I do take requests!

Superbowl Sunday is a special day in the Stay household. It’s a day when the family comes together, united by a single program, to share in the joy that can only come from watching football. No longer is it just Dad and the boys. On Superbowl Sunday, even Mom comes out, anxious to see the latest developments in Superbowl advertising. But none of this would be what it is without the amazing assortment of snacks at our fingertips. This week in Top 5:

The Top 5 Superbowl Snacks

5. Henry Weinhard’s Vanilla Cream Soda – Technically not a snack, but I am including it anyways because it’s such a tasty treat. Every Superbowl event needs a good beverage to wash down the salty goodness of the other snacks and there is no finer beverage than this. It’s sweet, but not too sweet, foamy, and comes in a glass bottle, the way soda was meant to be; soda and ant farms. Can’t forget ant farms. Did you know there’s a species of ants that survives completely on plastic? I didn’t either. Puggles was never the same after that day … I can still hear her yelping … and the twitching … oh, the twitching …

4. Chips and Dip – The type of chip and type of dip is irrelevant. What matters most is the variety of dips present. You’ve got your salsa with cream cheese, your spicy queso dip, your bean dip, and your fresh pico de gallo. The job isn’t done right unless your dipping hand is sore the next day and your shirt looks like it was tie dyed in a vat of seven layer.

3. Buffalo Wings – No sporting event is complete without the accompanying buffallo wings. The spicier the better, this is no sport for the weak. This is the Superbowl, the culmination of a season of work, sweat, and blood, the wings must be a tribute to this, and it doesn’t hurt to smother them in any of the preceding ingredients. Just don’t forget the bleu cheese dipping sauce.

2. Jalapeno Poppers – They’re fried, they’re spicy, and they’re full of cheese. What more could you ask for in a snack? Forget the cheddar cheese poppers you find most commonly these days, the only true popper is the cream cheese popper. I like my poppers like I like my women: hot, deep fried, and filled with cream cheese … errr …

1. Summer Sausage – There is nothing more manly than a huge log of processed meat. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t even slice this up. It would never leave my hand and I’d gnaw on it little by little through the entire game, leaving my teeth full of processed meat fibers to enjoy for the rest of the month. Abandoned kittens would flock to me to feast on the meat fibers lodged firmly in between my teeth. I could feed small nations. I would become a legend. Eat a sausage, save the world.

I’m recycling again, partly because I’m in LA this week, but mostly because I’m lazy. So, apologies if you’ve read these before, but I actually liked this one, so screw you, I don’t care. I take back my apology. I don’t care what you think.

Hey, where are you going? I didn’t mean it. I’ll be better, I promise. Just don’t tell my mom, okay? She’ll take away my video game privileges. Then what will I do for fun? Think of new Top 5s? No thank you.

Here they are, bow before the 7 essential vitamins in every serving.

5. Cookie Crisp – This cereal is very simple. Cookies + milk = delicious. I don’t know why it took so long for people to come up with this. What, kids aren’t eating breakfast? Whatever will we do? Why are you dunking that cookie in milk? Let me try that … Eureka! It’s like the first guy to ever match peanut butter with jelly. It was just meant to be.

4. Cocoa Puffs – This is by far the best of the Cocoa cereals. Cocoa Krispies just turn to mush. Cocoa Pebbles are only slightly better. Cocoa Puffs, on the other hand, have just the right consistency to be both long lasting and great tasting. And as an added bonus you get a bowl full of perfectly mixed chocolate milk after every serving. Who doesn’t like chocolate milk? Communists, Nazis, and Terrorists, that’s who.

3. Oops! All Berries – Again, why it took so long to come up with this cereal is beyond me. All they did was take Crunch Berries, which are delicious despite the risk of cutting your mouth open, and remove the risky little yellow things that do all the slicing, leaving only the delicious fruity little balls and no more sharp edges. Who can say no to delicious fruity little balls? Screw the Cap’n, bring back the berries.

2. Chocolate Lucky Charms – This cereal is like crack-cocaine in a cereal bowl topped with milk. Screw coffee, if you want a quick shot of energy to get you going in the morning, pour yourself a bowl of these tasty nuggets. Don’t like the oats in Lucky Charms? That’s okay, we made them chocolate, thus doubling the sugar. It’s 3 straight shots of sugar in every bowl. First you eat the chocolate oats, then you eat the marshmallows, then, BAM, you top things off with a few gulps of delicious chocolate milk mixed to perfection by your own little chocolate Leprechaun. I get the shakes just thinking about it. Do they have methadone clinics for cereal addicts?

1. Reese’s Puffs – This is the cereal sent down to us by the breakfast gods. Like Cocoa Puffs? Good. Like Peanut Butter Crunch? Me too. What’s that you say? You want to mix them together and add the delicious peanut buttery goodness of a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup? Where do I sign? Yeah, the milk is a little nasty by the end, but here’s a little trick, just reuse it a couple times and by the end of your 3rd bowl of these tasty little puffs of heaven, you’ll be in such bliss that you would suck that milk out of your own dirty gym shoe. Now that’s a complete breakfast.