I come from the school of thought that for any given moment of time, there is one piece of art that will fit that moment more perfectly than any emotion or thought we possess ever could. Whether it be music, literature, film, photography, or fine art, my life is nothing but a quest to find those perfect pieces to fill the tiny moments of my existence.
Today, when I set out to do this post, I had completely different intentions. I knew which videos I wanted to feature and decided to just check in on a few of the music video sites I frequent. I was just about to quit and go on to write this post, when I came across the video below. No other music video has ever fit a moment of an existence as perfectly as this video fit mine today.
So without further ado, I give you The Perfect Video:
The theme song is a lost art. Hitting it’s prime in the 80s on everything from sitcoms to cartoons, they pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after climaxing in the early 90s. I say we bring them back. Starting with this theme song for Lost:
But before we get too carried away, we must do some research. Without further ado, I give you the top 5 greatest cartoon theme songs of all time:
5 – GI Joe
If the Cold War brought us anything worthwhile, it was high-quality entertainment. With movies like Red Dawn and Rocky IV, the action genre has never been as good as when we fought the Russians. But all this pro-America propaganda had to reach our children somehow, and thus GI Joe was born. An elite group of American soldiers on a mission to rid the world of terrorist organizations, GI Joe is the epitome of American ideals. And what better way to instill those American ideals than with a catchy theme song. Wherever there’s a list of the great cartoon theme songs, “GI Joe is there.” Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
4 – The Super Mario Bros. Super Show
The early 90s will forever be remembered for bringing two things into the homes of white middle-class families across America, video games and rap music. The Super Mario Brothers Super Show accomplished both feats in less than a minute of air time. I’m surprised it took producers as long as it did. When you think about it, rap was used in just about every marketing scheme possible in the early 90s, from anti-piracy to Dragnet, so why not use it in the second best video game marketing scheme of the era (second only to the classic Fred Savage flick, Wizard). Seriously, the first thing I wanted to do after watching this show was play me some Mario Bros. and rap while doing it. Screw books and musical prowess, give our children more video games and simple beats and rhymes.
3 – Animaniacs
Animaniacs is quite possibly the most intelligent children’s cartoon ever produced. The jokes and stories had levels I’m only recently beginning to uncover. It was entertaining for kids and adults alike, politically relevant, and as timely as any other social commentary of the age. It was revolutionary in its approach to afternoon children’s entertainment. Plus, it brought us Pinky and the Brain, a cartoon whose theme song only narrowly missed this list. It taught a nation of children the names of the states, their capitals, how to tell a good idea from a bad idea, and even classical music. The only reason their theme song isn’t any higher is because it’s so complex, it’s hard to remember.
2 – DuckTales
I only wanted to pick one cartoon from the Disney Afternoon, and it was between DuckTales and Chip N’ Dale: Rescue Rangers. DuckTales won out of pure popularity. Ask anyone approaching 30 to sing you the theme song and I guarantee you at least 80% of them will belt it out with a smile. What kid doesn’t dream of swimming daily in a giant silo full of gold coins. Scrooge McDuck is Donald Trump times 53. He could single-handedly bail out the entire world with his riches. Where is he when you need him. I hope he drowns in his pool of riches … sorry, that took a nasty turn. I blame the terrorists. Call GI Joe.
1 – Captain Planet
Man, this show was horrible. A bunch of kids scattered across the world find rings that give them control over the elements, that when combined create some strange blue creature on a mission to save to rid the world of eco-terrorists. What kind of perma-baked hippy came up with that story line? And how come the guy with the heart ring never got the girls? He was always hanging out with fuzzy animals. What kind of message is that? Guys with big hearts are destined to be alone with a house full of cats? Okay, maybe it was pretty accurate after all. Really, this show’s only saving grace was its theme song, which played during the closing credits. The fact that kids would watch 30 minutes of hippy, tree-hugging propaganda just to hear the awesome theme song is why I put it at the top of this list … and why I have such a low tolerance for litterbugs. They’re destroying our planet with their carelessness!
I really thought I’d do better last week. Oh well. I’ll be better this week … I hope.
In Theaters:
Duplicity – Julia Roberts and Clive Owen in a cliche spy flick. Sadly, this will do well at the box office. ~ Save to Netflix Queue
I Love You, Man – Paul Rudd needs a best man. Let the man-dating begin. If I didn’t like Paul Rudd so much, I’d probably hate this movie. ~ Save to Netflix Queue
Knowing – Nicolas Cage stars in another Nicolas Cage film starring Nicolas Cage playing Nicolas Cage saving the world from certain doom using unexplained math and a secret code. ~ Save to Netflix Queue
Punisher: War Zone – It’s supposed to be better than the John Travolta one, but that’s not saying much. I’ll probably see it anyway. ~ Add to Netflix Queue
Elegy – Penelope Cruz in a love story. I know, it’s a stretch. This one involves her college professor. ~ Add to Netflix Queue
There you go. Hopefully I’ll finally get around to my Watchmen review this week.
I went AWOL for a while, but I think I’m back now.
In Theaters:
The Last House on the Left – Another slasher remake. This one’s about parents getting revenge on their daughter’s attackers. I say skip it and watch the original … or better yet, skip it and go watch the liquidators slash up the remnants of Circuit City.
~ Save to Netflix Queue
Miss March – Guy gets date to prom, guy falls down stairs, guy enters coma, date becomes Playboy Playmate, guy wakes up, shenanigans. Fun for the whole family!
~ Save to Netflix Queue
Race to Witch Mountain – They took the aliens out of Watchmen and the new X-Files movie and stuck them in Witch Mountain along with the Rock. Watch it if you want, I’ll be busy racing to my couch.
~ Save to Netflix Queue
On Video:
Role Models – Paul Rudd and Stifler are sentenced to be big brothers. Add some shenanigans and you’ve got yourself a movie.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Transporter 3 – Jason Statham drives cars fast for the third time. These movies are some of the biggest, dumbest fun I’ve had in years.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Milk – Sean Penn plays the first openly gay man to be voted into public office. He won an Oscar for it, so it could be worth a watch. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Rachel Getting Married – Anne Hathaway finally comes home, after being in and out of rehab, for her sister’s wedding. This one looked pretty good.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas – A boy befriends another boy who turns out to be in a concentration camp run by his father. I’d be more excited about it if it were a true story, but it still sounds interesting enough.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Cadillac Records – Biopic about the rise of Leonard Chess and Chess records. Mos Def plays Chuck Berry, Beyonce Knowles plays Etta James, and I play an apathetic movie-goer.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Happy-Go-Lucky – Poppy is happy-go-lucky. Her bike is stolen and she remains happy. She takes up driving and meets her polar opposite. Will opposites attract? Tune in to find out! (This one actually looks good, but it’s physically impossible for me to write about anything happy-go-lucky without a little sarcasm)
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Synecdoche, New York – Phillip Seymour Hoffman in the directing debut of my all-time favorite screenwriter, Charlie Kaufman (Eternal Sunshine, Adaptation, Being John Malkovich). This one’s been in the queue for a long time.
~ Add to Netflix Queue
Coraline – Kids or no kids, watch the trailer and tell me you don’t want to watch this movie. Watch it in 3-D if you can.
He’s Just Not that Into You – It’s got some people I like and some people I despise. I’m going to go with the rules of basic arithmetic on this one. Positives mixed with negatives usually result in disaster. It’s science. Plus, it’s a chick flick based on a self-help book. You do the math.
The Pink Panther 2 – Yes, they made another one. No, you shouldn’t see it. Watch the originals if you really want some Pink Panther.
Push – People with super powers are trying to save the world while other people are trying to systematically eliminate them. This idea was original at one time. Now is not that time.
On Video:
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa – Talking zoo animals. If you liked the first one, you’ll probably like this one. The penguins are funny, I’ll give you that much.
The Secret Life of Bees – Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifah, and Jennifer Hudson play with bees. Maybe that’s why the bee population is dwindling, Dakota Fanning got to them. Based on a book that was supposed to be good. MegRuth wants to see it.
Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist – Michael Cera cavorts around New York City. It’s in the queue. I’ll let you know … someday. In other news, if you click the repeat button, you too can have an infinite playlist.
Zack and Miri Make a Porno – Kevin Smith’s latest starring Seth Rogen. Look, the title pretty much says it all. Plus, it’s a Kevin Smith movie, so you know it’s going to be funny and inappropriate.
