The theme song is a lost art. Hitting it’s prime in the 80s on everything from sitcoms to cartoons, they pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after climaxing in the early 90s. I say we bring them back. Starting with this theme song for Lost:
If the Cold War brought us anything worthwhile, it was high-quality entertainment. With movies like Red Dawn and Rocky IV, the action genre has never been as good as when we fought the Russians. But all this pro-America propaganda had to reach our children somehow, and thus GI Joe was born. An elite group of American soldiers on a mission to rid the world of terrorist organizations, GI Joe is the epitome of American ideals. And what better way to instill those American ideals than with a catchy theme song. Wherever there’s a list of the great cartoon theme songs, “GI Joe is there.” Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
4 – The Super Mario Bros. Super Show
The early 90s will forever be remembered for bringing two things into the homes of white middle-class families across America, video games and rap music. The Super Mario Brothers Super Show accomplished both feats in less than a minute of air time. I’m surprised it took producers as long as it did. When you think about it, rap was used in just about every marketing scheme possible in the early 90s, from anti-piracy to Dragnet, so why not use it in the second best video game marketing scheme of the era (second only to the classic Fred Savage flick, Wizard). Seriously, the first thing I wanted to do after watching this show was play me some Mario Bros. and rap while doing it. Screw books and musical prowess, give our children more video games and simple beats and rhymes.
3 – Animaniacs
Animaniacs is quite possibly the most intelligent children’s cartoon ever produced. The jokes and stories had levels I’m only recently beginning to uncover. It was entertaining for kids and adults alike, politically relevant, and as timely as any other social commentary of the age. It was revolutionary in its approach to afternoon children’s entertainment. Plus, it brought us Pinky and the Brain, a cartoon whose theme song only narrowly missed this list. It taught a nation of children the names of the states, their capitals, how to tell a good idea from a bad idea, and even classical music. The only reason their theme song isn’t any higher is because it’s so complex, it’s hard to remember.
2 – DuckTales
I only wanted to pick one cartoon from the Disney Afternoon, and it was between DuckTales and Chip N’ Dale: Rescue Rangers. DuckTales won out of pure popularity. Ask anyone approaching 30 to sing you the theme song and I guarantee you at least 80% of them will belt it out with a smile. What kid doesn’t dream of swimming daily in a giant silo full of gold coins. Scrooge McDuck is Donald Trump times 53. He could single-handedly bail out the entire world with his riches. Where is he when you need him. I hope he drowns in his pool of riches … sorry, that took a nasty turn. I blame the terrorists. Call GI Joe.
1 – Captain Planet
Man, this show was horrible. A bunch of kids scattered across the world find rings that give them control over the elements, that when combined create some strange blue creature on a mission to save to rid the world of eco-terrorists. What kind of perma-baked hippy came up with that story line? And how come the guy with the heart ring never got the girls? He was always hanging out with fuzzy animals. What kind of message is that? Guys with big hearts are destined to be alone with a house full of cats? Okay, maybe it was pretty accurate after all. Really, this show’s only saving grace was its theme song, which played during the closing credits. The fact that kids would watch 30 minutes of hippy, tree-hugging propaganda just to hear the awesome theme song is why I put it at the top of this list … and why I have such a low tolerance for litterbugs. They’re destroying our planet with their carelessness!